Learning Slowly

by Hannah the Zebra

Sooooooo tired today. But last night’s party was worth it. I have discovered, over the years of living with CVID, that getting out of the house, and having something to look forward to, not only lifts my spirits, but gives me a reason to take better care of myself. If I know I have a special event coming up, I know that I have to be very careful of my time and energy for several days before. And for several days after. If I push myself too hard, thinking that I can schedule my life as I used to, and keep going like a house-on-fire, then I get sick. Then I can do nothing for weeks. I have slowly, over the years, and I do mean slowly, learned this trick. Learned slowly because, well, we all want our previous health back. How could we not? And, as any of my friends or family will tell you, I am stubborn. For years, despite all evidence (and illnesses) to the contrary, I was convinced that I could get my old life back. If I just tried hard enough. If I just pretended my illness wasn’t there. If I just was stronger. If I just kept going the way I used to. And, while stubbornness has it’s pluses, it also has its minuses. I the case of CVID, the only thing all of this did was to make me progressively sicker.

So. I learned slowly. Very, very, slowly. But I did learn. For the most part. Not that I don’t still make mistakes, or sometimes misjudge what my body can handle. But I am learning that I need to weigh what is most important to me ahead of time. I knew this party was coming up. It’s been on the calendar for two months. So I knew I had to clear the calendar both before and after the event if I wanted to go. And I very much wanted to go. Especially since this year the person hosting it lives very close to me and I would therefore have  to expend hardly any energy in getting myself there and back again.

So I did go. And for the first time, stayed for the entire party. And had a BLAST!